So I happen to sit down in front of the computer doing a routine-like thing: getting ready to email you. I open my emailing account and hit "Compose". For some reason, I am overwhelmed with revulsion and frustration. I am mad at myself. Why can't I just start typing like I always do?I waited all day long to get home and email you. It's not about you, the generic "you" doesn't designate a person in particular, but the "means" of comunication that's making me frustrated. I just don't feel like getting myself together, I just can't gather my thoughts of the shelves of my mind and heart and let them first rest on the keyboard before they turn into printing letters in "Compose" area. There's something restrictive about that rectangular space that makes me uneasy. It just seems like this small space lacks the air I need to put down some thoughts, scattered around on the shelves of my mind. If I'd be sitting outside in the open air, I could probably start typing instantly if trees, bushes or the sky would allow me to overtype. Maybe technology will make that come true one. But for now, I have to get back to the cruel reality of my email page that I happen to deeply loathe. I stare at the blank page in front of me and the page gives me a stale stare back. None of my affection or thoughts are there, on a barren empty space so I just decide I'm putting off the whole mission. Or just quit emailing. Unlikely though in this age. Uttering it is though just a way of enumerating choices, though.
yes, the "digital" word is dry, but it's becoming the norm, isn't it? so we should somehow try to make it meaningful and colourful and savoury.
ReplyDeletestrugling with this myself, with words in general, these stubborn little tools I just cannot seem to get to listen to my will. they always do whatever they want and I just follow and try to clean up the mess they leave behind.
So dry I can't really express, but it's part of the constant battle to tame down those words. I was more concerned by the seclusion of modern writing, that the computer compells us to. But above all, it's the word that makes it so much worse. Same struggle, new weapons.Or obstacles.
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