Now I really don't know how to start this. The moment you see the darkside of innocence. If such a thing exists. Innocence as a concept, not a as a personal experience. I'm far from claiming it, I feel I've lost it inside some time ago. But self-perception and outer perception are two notions that sometimes find it hard to overlap. And this case is no exception to the rule. I'm a self-declared non-innocent, but voices around speak differently. No, I can't claim innocence after all the knowledge I've let slip through the corners of my mind, all the words I've heard and uttered but most of all judging by emotional history. But then again how do you successfully marry the inside with the outside?If the outside is supposedly a faithful reflection of the inner core of the being, all I can do is notice a graceful failure. People don't perceive me this way. To them, I'm still "innocent"; but I know better, I keep my quiet composure and keep on moving. Me and my voiceless truth. That I cannot utter, because their voices cover my faint argument or any frail denial. But there comes a time when such an attitude isn't flattering, in fact it sets me apart in a painful fortress of loneliness. But then again it may be what I display on the outside: a dreamy, lost gaze at times and silence; loads of it. I might still carry Milton's paradise in my eyes, but don't forget it's a lost one. Now back to silences. Since when silence pairs with innocence? Right when that silence carries a full load of thoughts, ruminations and anything in this world that can be put into words. I'm here today to award innocence a fail. The ultimate one. And it's not the voice of denial speaking here, but a voice that wants to be heard and can't otherwise.Monday, July 9, 2012
Oh, Innocence...
Now I really don't know how to start this. The moment you see the darkside of innocence. If such a thing exists. Innocence as a concept, not a as a personal experience. I'm far from claiming it, I feel I've lost it inside some time ago. But self-perception and outer perception are two notions that sometimes find it hard to overlap. And this case is no exception to the rule. I'm a self-declared non-innocent, but voices around speak differently. No, I can't claim innocence after all the knowledge I've let slip through the corners of my mind, all the words I've heard and uttered but most of all judging by emotional history. But then again how do you successfully marry the inside with the outside?If the outside is supposedly a faithful reflection of the inner core of the being, all I can do is notice a graceful failure. People don't perceive me this way. To them, I'm still "innocent"; but I know better, I keep my quiet composure and keep on moving. Me and my voiceless truth. That I cannot utter, because their voices cover my faint argument or any frail denial. But there comes a time when such an attitude isn't flattering, in fact it sets me apart in a painful fortress of loneliness. But then again it may be what I display on the outside: a dreamy, lost gaze at times and silence; loads of it. I might still carry Milton's paradise in my eyes, but don't forget it's a lost one. Now back to silences. Since when silence pairs with innocence? Right when that silence carries a full load of thoughts, ruminations and anything in this world that can be put into words. I'm here today to award innocence a fail. The ultimate one. And it's not the voice of denial speaking here, but a voice that wants to be heard and can't otherwise.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Still waters run deep. A serene face can hide profound turmoil. Smiles are not always what they want us to believe they are.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more. Smiles are sometimes the bearers of a lost paradise of serenity, like you said. This post is pretty personal and traces the skewed views people can take by the mere judgement of the covers. Human nature and its occasional fails. I wish people took a second look before taking you for granted.
ReplyDeleteI think they most often than not avoid taking that second look because they're scared of what they might see - they know, deep down, it's not what they expected.
DeleteYou can call it fear or you can call it convenience. Either way, the effect is the same: the "crust" is the sole beneficiary of consideration in most cases.
ReplyDelete