It's when you put yourself out there. Or when you just realize that you are not even disappointed when the supposedly fairytale scenario crashes. Well, I'm not disappointed which kind of means I didn't fall for my own dream, it doesn't really matter which one, a dream is a dream. I feel like I'm fooling myself, but sometimes that's exactly what you need to get through the day. I can't shake this feeling of disruption. On the one side, the dream, and the other side, the acknowledegement that a dream has few roots in reality and that in reality there's no regret for the non-dreamy reality for I didn't go all the way with the dreaming. Blame me and blimey for that!
But the dream pattern calls for some emotional state that I'll resume to call "emotional inertia", as if "dream", disappointment" stick together through some sort of mandatory glue called "emotion". How ridiculous to feel this way. Especially that I'm at an age where you're supposed to be detached from any dreamy states, which makes me assess it as less true. For now, I'll just stick to transition. It must be about some age-inflicted emotional transition, under the reign of my cruel conscience. My acuity is almost painful, I'm fully aware of the changes occurring within and by means of some odd fascination, I accurately record them. There!
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